STUDENT: But I don't think I deserve a zero on this exam.
TEACHER: Neither do I, but it's the lowest mark I can give you.
FATHER: How are your grades, son?
SON: Under water, Dad.
FATHER: Under water? What do you mean?
SON: They're below C level
Girl: What did you get that little medal for?
Boy: For singing
Girl: What did you get the big one for?
Boy: For stopping!
A team of engineers were required to measure the height of a flag pole. They only had a measuring tape, and were getting quite frustrated trying to keep the tape along the pole. It kept falling down, etc. A mathematician comes along, finds out their problem, and proceeds to remove the pole from the ground where he can measure it easily. When he leaves, one engineer says to the other: "Just like a mathematician! We needed to know the height, and he gave us the length!"
Ali: Do you write with your right or left hand?
Hamza: My left hand.
Ali: Wrong! You write with a pencil!
Doctor, Doctor my son has swallowed my pen, what should I do?
Use a pencil ‘till I get there
Mad Professor: I have made a new invention!
Student: What does it do?
Mad Professor: It allows people to look through brick walls!
Student: What is it called?
Mad Professor: It's called a window.